I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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