Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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