grandma shit on top of the toilet
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
