ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
