I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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