Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
