But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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