my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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