i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
