remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
