It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
