that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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