I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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