I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
