Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
