woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
