I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
