Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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