God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
