I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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