She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
