she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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