Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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