I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
