Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
