Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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