YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You ruined the universe
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
