Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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