the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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