I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
