Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
