At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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