Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
