Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
