i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
