WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
