the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
