Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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