I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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