i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
