You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
