I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
