My hand turned me down
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
