Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
