I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
