I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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