I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
