She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
