I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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