No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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