I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
