My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
