Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
