My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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